Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Is Taylor Swift a Love Addict? Can Women Who Have Difficulty with Rules Fare Better with Boundaries?

Credit: PRPhotos.com
Taylor Swift is generally known for dressing very prim and proper. But, she ditched all of that for her Rolling Stone cover where she just looks leggy and blonde – love it! During the interview, she discussed her love life. Some of you might be groaning that she’s talking about romance, but I’m glad to hear it directly from her. Here’s an excerpt of what she said:
 
"The way I look at love is you have to follow it, and fall hard, if you fall hard. You have to forget about what everyone else thinks. It has to be an us-against-the-world mentality. You have to make it work by prioritizing it, and by falling in love really fast, without thinking too hard. If I think too hard about a relationship I'll talk myself out of it. ...I have rules for a lot of areas of my life. Love is not going to be one of them."
 
There are two points I want to make about what Taylor said. First, I realized her outlook on love is that it’s all or nothing. She said herself that she has to go all in or she talks herself out of it. Where’s the happy medium? And, what’s with the “us-against-the-world-mentality?” Why must it be a battle?
 
Credit: PRPhotos.com
When I stop and think about it, it’s not surprising Taylor thinks this way. After all, she very successfully writes love songs that touch millions. Singing about slow and steady romance doesn’t sell as well as songs about white, hot, burning, sizzling passion. It’s one thing to write songs this way, but entirely another to actually live it.
 
This brings me to my second point about how Taylor said, “I have rules for a lot of areas of my life. Love is not going to be one of them.” Many women feel this way. They want to love without constraints and not play games. Taylor does what many do which is throw caution to the wind and let the cards fall where they may.
 
So, let’s substitute another word for “rules.” I will use a more neutral word like “boundaries.” Were Taylor to say, “I have “boundaries” for a lot of areas in my life. Love is not going to be one of them,” it makes Taylor sound…well…a little dysfunctional. When people think of “rules” in relationships, really it’s mostly about establishing boundaries.
 
To put this even more in context, 12-Step groups encourage people to maintain their boundaries and not be so focused on others. The same goes when you’re in a relationship. You need not be addicted to implement healthy boundaries in your life and maintain balance. The fact Taylor doesn’t makes her sound like a love addict.
 
Herein lies the lesson. If you have a hard time working with “rules” try “boundaries” instead. Choose whatever word feels most palatable. Just makes sure your actions follow.
 
Until next time…
 
Shine like Platinum!
Vanessa

Credit: PRPhotos.com
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