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There's an art to asking questions when on a first date with a man. Some are fine and light. Others might make him nervous. The latter are, obviously, the ones you hope to avoid if you really want him to ask you out for a second date.
This topic occurred to me today while reading Julianne Hough's InStyle interview. While out on her first date with Ryan Seacrest, she was so nervous that she admitted to essentially interviewing him. She asked Ryan, "Are you loyal? Are you close to your family?"
It's well-known Ryan was crazy about Julianne for some time before their first date. If you have that going for you, you might get away with a first date inquisition. But, if you're with a man you met online or don't know that much about, try a relaxed approach.
Were you to ask a man, "Are you loyal?" he might hear "are you a cheater?" Really, he'll think "What else could she mean? Will I take her side in an argument with a friend?" It's a heavy question meant to draw the truth out of him about how he handles a situation when the chips are down.
He might also think you're the jealous type if you're worried about his fidelity on the first date. Besides, what's he going to say? "Nope, not loyal. I've even cheated on a girlfriend in the past." You're unknowingly asking for the answer you want to hear. Don't do that.
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Asking whether he's close to his family isn't terrible, but it's a tad personal. What if he's on the outs with them for whatever reason, prefers not to discuss it on a first date, and doesn't want to feel forced in the answer he gives? It's not that it isn't helpful to have this information about a man. But, ask yourself whether you really want him on guard when he's out with you in the beginning of the relationship. Is this how you want him to remember you?
There are safe questions you can ask a man -- only if he's showing a genuine interest in you, though! If you must ask something direct, try, "What's your favorite sports team? Music group? Movie? Place to travel? Book?" You might get the answer to your deeper questions just by listening to him. If he says his favorite team is one that's habitually the underdog, then at least you know he's loyal.
It's true that men are known for asking personal questions as well. A client of mine went to a speed dating event and a man asked whether her breasts were real. But, my blog isn't about what men do -- it's about what a woman can do to optimize her results and get asked for dates. When a woman meets a man she must have, she wants to play it perfectly. Keep it light! If you're meant for each other, over time, you'll find out all about him.
Tell me what you think! What questions are ok or off limits to ask on a first date?
Until next time...
Shine like Platinum!
Vanessa
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