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I was excited to finally watch Rihanna’s interview with Oprah.
Up until now, we’ve only had snippets of what she said. Last night,
though, the whole interview aired on OWN. I pulled out a couple of
notable excerpts from her comments about Chris Brown:
“We
love each other and probably always will. That’s not anything we’re going to try to change…I think he was the love of my life. He
was my first love and I see that he loved me the same way…I truly love
him – the main thing for me is he’s at peace. I’m not at peace if he’s
not happy or still lonely. I care. It actually matters that he
finds that peace…I have to forgive him because I cared about him still. The minute I let go of that, I started living again.”
I have mixed thoughts about the interview. Let's start with the good. Rihanna was a lot less guarded
with Oprah than Diane Sawyer. Understandably so
given a lot of time lapsed which allowed her to put space
between the fallout with Chris -- or maybe Oprah's just better at talking to her. Either way, it’s apparent Rihanna's been introspective about
her relationship with him and recognized that, for her, forgiveness is
the path to recovery.
I’m
concerned about two things, though. First, she’s still openly
professing love for Chris. Sure, it’s honest. But, when she ties it into
“I’m not at peace if he’s not happy or still lonely.” In other words,
her love for him is so codependently intertwined with her own sense of
emotional happiness that it tells me she’s not out of the woods.
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No
one faults her for not being “over” what happened. In fact, she
might not ever be. It’s kind of like grief. No one gets over
grief. You just have to learn how to carry it with you like a damaged
badge of honor.
With
that said, I wonder if Rihanna’s has been to therapy to address
the full gamut of what’s happened to her. If not, then who’s to say she
won’t end up in another abusive relationship? It's likely this could happen again if she doesn't explore the demons associated with these issues.
Another
point I found bothersome is the whole, “…and that’s not anything that
we’re going to try to change.” That was
aimed at Chris’ girlfriend Karreuche and anyone else who might follow
her. She was stirring the pot which is, again, another reason why
I think Rihanna would benefit from therapy. It's as if she wants to establish her territory. There's no element of her wanting to move on.
When I said this before, a woman left me a comment who said it's not as easy for a battered woman to just "move on." Ok, fine. But, are we going to raise the bar for women to take care of themselves and get therapy? Or, should we make excuses for when they aren't self-aware? I have faith in women and say raise the damn bar.
When I said this before, a woman left me a comment who said it's not as easy for a battered woman to just "move on." Ok, fine. But, are we going to raise the bar for women to take care of themselves and get therapy? Or, should we make excuses for when they aren't self-aware? I have faith in women and say raise the damn bar.
The
reality is that no matter how much love she thinks they share Chris
isn’t with her. And it’s not even like Chris is with Karreuche by
default. From all of the reports out there, Chris hasn’t even asked
Rihanna to get back together. The truth is he beat her, left, and
still doesn’t want her back.
If it sounds harsh, that's because it is. No one seems to
have the guts to tell Rihanna in a public way that this is the reality.
Oprah didn't say it. It's not her job to act as a therapist, but from
one woman to another, she said nothing! Sure, maybe it happened off
camera. But, I doubt it.
My
guess is that Chris didn’t want Rihanna back because the relationship brought out in
his personality and found it toxic. He just doesn’t want to go there
with her. He’s happy to befriend her and maybe more in the bedroom, but it seems
the days of him wanting her as a girlfriend are over.
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This relationship with him exists in her
head. It certainly doesn’t consist of dates and togetherness. It’s a
series of late night texts, meetings, Twitter nonsense, but none of it
is…real. None of it is old school weekend dates, dinners, theater, or
time together with family.
Rihanna told Oprah she wants a man who cherishes her and knows her value. How? She sings about sex so much that Esquire magazine called her The Undisputed Champion of Carnal Pop and the essence of the word "f@#$." When Oprah asked if she thrived on that kind of attention and what it meant to her, Rihanna responded, "I don't even know what that means." Really, Ri? No idea, huh? I'd have more respect for her if she just owned it.
Oh,
and everyone was saying how sweet she seemed in the interview. Sure, I
guess. But, she had Oprah there. Who wouldn’t be on their best behavior
with Oprah around? It’s great that she paid Oprah the respect she’s due,
but this doesn’t erase the Rihanna we see all of the time who is drinking, puffing, and flipping off a camera like teenager.
Tell me what you think! What were your takeaways from the interview?
Tell me what you think! What were your takeaways from the interview?
Until next time…
Shine like Platinum!
Vanessa
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