Pink Talks about Impact from Parent's Divorce -- Can Coming from a Broken Home Make You Marriage Ready?

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A friend of mine recently said that people with divorced parents do better at marriage than those whose parents are still together. She felt people from divorced homes are willing to work harder on their marriages and less likely to become unnerved with bumps in the road. Conversely, if you've grown up in a home where your parents relationship is somewhat idyllic, you expect your relationships and marriage to go as smoothly as theirs.

After listening to her logic, I thought she had a point. Now, I don't agree that any one group works harder on their marriage than another. Yet, I acknowledge that those from divorced homes accustomed to turmoil can have highly successful marriages.

I reflected on our conversation when reading an interview with Pink in Billboard magazine. Her parents divorced when she was 9 and she wrote Family Portrait at 21. She said, "I tend to hold onto things. I'm still exorcising some of those demons. I'm in a relationship that I've been in for 10 years and it's never going to be perfect."

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Her words caught my attention because she's open about how influential her parent's split has been in her life. The way I interpreted her words is that because she accepts it won't be perfect, she doesn't expect it, and thus, isn't disappointed that it isn't. This translates to being steadfast when it comes to weathering marital storms.

Pink's words are relevant for my readers because those from divorced homes might be concerned about marriage. Several of my clients are "marriage averse" because their parents split and the high divorce rates. They're terrified of having a failed marriage. Because they didn't come from a healthy home environment, they worry about being emotionally fit enough to handle marriage.

My first response to this is always complimentary. It's great to concern yourself with having a successful marriage. I appreciate that they don't want to rush into anything. What I encourage them to conquer, though, is their self-doubt. 

Coming from a divorced home isn't proof positive you won't be a suitable spouse. This is simply because of the resources now available for married couples. What you grew up with isn't necessarily who you are as an adult if you choose differently. Your fate is separate from that of your parents. 

You aren't on your own in marriage unless you want it that way. I'm not suggesting marriage counseling for couples who don't need it. Yet, maybe a wife struggling to keep a lid on her temper can find solace in an online forum. In other words, there are lots of places to go for help, even if it's for venting!

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Those reading this who come from divorced homes, have faith your tenacity will carry you far in a marriage. You'll be surprised at your determination. For those not from a divorced home who worry their relationship isn't as easy as their parent's, have faith, too. Every relationship has different strains. Allow yourself that uncertainty and the answers will come more easily.

Before ending this post, I want to briefly mention I'm not pushing marriage on those who don't believe in it. I do think relationships are the best when a man wants to marry a woman. However, the purpose of this post is to encourage people to not underestimate themselves. Like Pink, you just might wake up one day with ten married years under your belt and think, "wow, I'm actually doing pretty good!"

Tell me what you think! Can coming from a divorced home make you better suited for marriage?

Until next time...

Shine like Platinum!
Vanessa

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