 |
| Credit: PRPhotos.com |
A great lesson Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors of The Rules,
taught me is that there is strength in silence. Before I started following
their book, I wanted to talk through everything with men. I couldn't
understand why I wasn’t receiving the results. I was confused given all pop psychology said, “open communication in a
relationship is key. Don’t be passive.”
A
huge error I made was being a therapist. My boyfriend’s always
told me their deepest secrets. Some women have men who don’t
open up. Ha. I wish. That wasn't my problem. I felt obligated to listen. So, I hunkered down and
presented myself as mother earth. I thought if I didn’t that he would
leave because I wasn’t “there” enough for him.
Not being familiar with The Rules,
I assumed reciprocity. In other words, when I
needed him, he’d be there for me in the same way. Not so. I learned the
hard way it’s really not a good idea to act as a man’s therapist.
 |
| Credit: PRPhotos.com |
In an article I read today, Keith Urban said whenever he
starts talking negatively that his wife, Nicole Kidman, doesn’t even
respond. To quote him, he said “her loaded silence shuts me up.” See,
Nicole knows better than to act like a counselor.
His
comment was powerful. Nicole doesn’t nag him to hush with
the negativity or, conversely, talk him out his “bad place.” It’s not
her responsibility. Equally notable is he comes out of
his mood without her help.
This
isn’t anything different than that which 12-step programs teach. It’s
said that an addict must want to save him/herself in order to recover.
Those wishing to intervene are advised not to because you can't save another person. What Nicole’s doing with Keith is what
they teach in program.
On
that note, Keith checked himself into rehab back in 2006 for
drinking. Maybe during this time Nicole went to Al Anon and learned that
it isn’t up to her to make everything right for him. As they say,
“detach with love or with anger, but detach.”
Other
readers snipped away, saying they’re headed for a divorce. I didn’t
sense this. They’re a private couple so I could be mistaken. Yet, it
just seems Nicole has a knack for handling Keith when he becomes – as
Ellen would say – “doomy and gloomy.” I don't see him leaving anytime soon.
Tell me what you think! How has it worked out for you when you’ve acted as a man’s therapist?
Until next time…
Shine like Platinum!
Vanessa
 |
| Credit: PRPhotos.com |
Amazon top #3 in Kindle eBooks for "Happiness" -- It's Rules approved!
No Kindle or iPad? Read Text. Love. Power. on your computer. Simply download Kindle for PC and have your texting questions answered immediately for $3.99!
Click here to see my video on why famous actress Olivia Wilde needs Text. Love. Power..
Top Stories
