Did Sonja Morgan Go Too Far to Protect LuAnn de Lesseps? How to Handle Your Opinions about a Friend’s Relationship

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A very good friend of yours is in a relationship with a man. But, something about him just doesn’t rub you the right way. Not in the “I think he’s a felon” sense, but you can’t tell whether he’s serious about her. Having been hurt you want to protect her. As her loyal friend, you think it's your duty to do so.

This is what Sonja Morgan did to LuAnn de Lesseps' boyfriend Jacques Azoulay in the latest episode of Real Housewives of New York City. She drunkenly ranted about what LuAnn needs and basically asked what his intentions were. When you watch the clip, you can see the people at the table are mortified. 

So, was Sonja out of line? Being a good friend? Both?

To me, what it ultimately comes down to is whether her opinion even matters. For the sake of argument, let’s say that Jacques has no intention of ever marrying LuAnn and that he’s a big time waster. The person who ultimately decides whether to leave or stay is LuAnn.

How many times have our girlfriends talked to us about men who they know they should leave? They cry about what a jerk he is, talk about finding someone better, yet can’t seem to pull the trigger on the relationship and get out. You can offer the best advice in the world. But, if she’s determined to stay, nothing you say will make her leave. It’s a conclusion she must make on her own.

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If you nag her about the relationship she'll resent and avoid you. You might think you’re imparting great wisdom, but she’ll see it as you telling her she’s not smart enough to make the right decisions in her life. She’ll avoid you because she won’t want to hear from a know-it-all and might not have the courage to tell you she’s still seeing him.

So, what should you do? The answer is nothing. Stay focused on you and be supportive of her choices. If she asks for your advice, say, “I don’t know. What do you think you should do?” Let her find the way to her own answers. She’ll feel better about herself for doing so and you’ll be known as a great listener. Win, win!

Now, there are definitely friends who whine so much you think your ears might fall off. If you have better things to do than listen to someone who is a constant complainer, then by all means go do it. I’m not advocating that you listen ad nauseam to someone’s relationship problems. My advice is for those who want to maintain relationships with their girlfriends without fighting.

I didn’t really go into how Sonja was drunk when she had this conversation. I wanted to stay on topic with her approach and think she feels the same way sober anyway. There are plenty of women who harp on the men their friends date so it wasn’t really here nor there to my point. With that said, whenever you have an important point to make in life, it’s best to do it sober. Otherwise, you’ll lose credibility.

Tell me what you think! How do you handle advice to girlfriends?

Until next time…

Shine like Platinum!

Vanessa

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