Cheryl Cole Leaves Abusive Relationship as Teen -- Are You a Woman Who Thinks Pain Is Love?

Credit: PRPhotos.com

Those who follow my blog know that it's based on The Rules. But, there’s another book that was equally life-changing for me called Women Who Love Too Much (WWLTM) by Robin Norwood. In a sense, I felt like I couldn’t graduate to The Rules until I understood why I had some of the bad behaviors with men that I did. I’m not saying this is the case for all women, but Robin’s book helped me enormously.

A lot of the love songs and movies seem to define true love as something that consists of pain and tears. This is why women (and even men) will think that love only exists when its companion agony is present. Without problems, a woman finds the relationship boring. She looks fondly upon a past romance where emotions were volatile and thinks she was really in love.

It’s because I used to think this way that I now know that the “pain is love” logic is a true sickness. If you’re in the same boat and can admit it honestly about yourself, you should read WWLTM. Chances are you’ll be aghast at how much you identify with the women in the book. But, once you read it, you’ll likely never return to the old behavior and will successfully do The Rules.

I thought of WWLTM after reading an article about how Cheryl Cole, 28, admitted having left an abusive relationship when in her teens. Her almost released album, A Million Lights, features a song called Craziest Things that is about her experience. In her own words, Cheryl said, "I was in the worst relationship of my life, we swore, we fought, we did everything it says in that song. People think it's passionate and fun, but it's aggressive and wrong. I was depressed and poorly. I had to end it for my health."

Credit: PRPhotos.com

I liked what Cheryl had to say for a couple of reasons. First, it’s fantastic she left. Sometimes, teenage girls can’t disentangle and will become victims of domestic violence as adults. Cheryl’s story is inspiring. Hopefully, young women going through what she has will follow in her footsteps and leave their abusive relationships.

The second reason I really appreciated Cheryl’s story is because she realized at such an impressionable age that fighting and swearing does not a relationship make. Drama is not love, but dysfunctionalism at its best. Don’t mistake obsession and pain for love because it isn’t.

I’ve only scratched the surface of what I consider a very important issue. How you’ve come to understand love is well-worth examining. This is especially true if you find the opportunity for happiness escapes you.

If you’re in a relationship with a man who does nothing but make you cry, realize this isn't love. Make yourself a promise to understand why you find solace in pain. I’m a firm believer in my personal motto: “Healthy love doesn’t hurt.

Take the poll or tell me what you think! Do you think pain is love?

Until next time…

Shine like Platinum!
Vanessa

Credit: PRPhotos.com

Text. Love. Power.: The Ultimate Girls Relationship Guide to Texting and Dating in the New Millennium 

Amazon top #3 in Kindle eBooks for "Happiness" -- It's Rules approved! 

No Kindle or iPad? Read Text. Love. Power. on your computer. Simply download Kindle for PC and have your texting questions answered immediately for $3.99!

Click here to see my video on why famous actress Olivia Wilde needs Text. Love. Power..

Top Stories