Why Adam Levine's Girlfriend Anne Vyalitsyna Was Right to Leave -- How to Handle a Man Who Won't Propose

Credit: Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Towards the end of February, I blogged about how Adam Levine was too comfortable with then girlfriend Anne Vyalitsyna. I recommended Anne, 26, leave because he hadn't proposed. Their split was announced last week with no mention as to what happened. It turns out Anne has some Rules in her!

Us Weekly explained it today. "After Anne dumped Adam, 33, she announced it to the world April 2 without giving him a heads-up. It was a cheap shot. She didn't want it to look like he broke up with her," said a pal.

Adam, who was home in L.A. when Anne broke up with him from NYC, "was blindsided. He's heartbroken. He wasn't even fully sure they were really broken up." Though he didn't see the split coming, friends of the couple did. "Anne said he didn't pay her enough attention. Adam wasn't planning to propose anytime soon. As a woman, you get to a point where you want to get married. Adam wasn't ready to take that step," an insider explains.

Lots to discuss about this one!

1. At first, I didn't think Anne should've announced their break-up. Then I realized she probably did it for damage control and not as a cheap shot. Sure, it would've been courteous of her to give Adam a "heads-up." But, in my Rules mind, she didn't owe him that. At all. Hey, if a man doesn't want to marry, you owe him no courtesies. 

Credit: Gregg DeGuire/FilmMagic

2. She broke-up with him in the best way. When my clients ask how to handle splitting with a man, one piece of advice I give is not to do it in person. Ellen and Sherrie say if you are breaking up in person not to end up in bed with him. I think it's pretty funny she dumped him while out of town. I'm willing to bet that's never been done to him.

3. On that note, I've never agreed that a break-up must happen in person. If a man doesn't want to marry, again, the woman owes him no courtesy and can break-up with him how she pleases -- even booting him out of her car if she likes. Say a woman's on the receiving end of a break-up phone call or text. The bright side is she won't suffer the humiliation of him gently explaining why he doesn't want her anymore. She can keep any ensuing meltdown private.

4. I couldn't figure out whether Anne told Adam she was upset he didn't pay enough attention to her. If so, that wasn't a good idea. Telling a man you need more attention never works in the long run. The Rules say if he's busy, you're busier! The man should tell you he wants to see you more (trust me, this works). It's better for him to make plans because he wants to spend more time together and not out of guilt.

Credit: Frank Micelotta/PictureGroup

5. Adam wasn't ready to take the next step. Two years is plenty of time for him to know whether he wanted to marry Anne. In fact, she stayed a year too long. Out of fairness, maybe she stayed because she thought it'd take more time to snag him. But, she would've been equally right to walk after a year with no proposal.

So, now what?

Well, there's no report Adam said he wouldn't marry Anne -- only that he wasn't ready to take the next step. There's a possibility he might propose if 1) he wants to marry her at all; and 2) she goes into what The Rules calls No Contact -- and unwaveringly stays there -- until he proposes. In the meantime, she should start dating others.

One point about No Contact I want to address is I've noticed in some of my blog comments that women are on the fence about this as a tactic for closing the deal. If a man doesn't propose because a woman wasn't Rules-y, sometimes he might need a nudge. It might help if he's a bit terrified he'll lose her. If he proposes, I generally think it's fine for her to accept.

 

In sum, Adam left Anne no choice. Staying with a man even longer won't make him propose. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I don't feel badly for Adam and his heartbreak. He can easily fix this and put a ring on it. In the meantime, hopefully the sadness won't kill him.

Tell me what you think! What are your thoughts about how Anne handled the break-up?

Until next time...

Shine like Platinum!

Vanessa
 

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